The absence of meaning and purpose of life creates a void in the experience of excitement. The aloofness that is caused by nihilist filosophy obliges one to engage oneself consciously. I am continuously caught between this urged sense of obligation to enagage myself and the inescapable and truthful conclusion of meaninglessness. This struggle between obligation to engage and intrinsic aloofness is the nucleus of life. There is no true meaning or purpose in life, but there exists the obligation to delude oneself to believe in the overwhelming passion. The consequence of the essence of life is that we need to renew the delusion of meaning continuously, because it is unrealistic and bound to slip away.